The Psychology of Jealousy: Guest Post

I recently had a request from Sarah Scrafford, to post on JND. As I haven't been posting lately, I welcomed her offer. Below are her thoughts on the psychology of jealousy.

The Psychology of Jealousy

Relationships are complicated, even when things are going smoothly. You never know when you’re going to be overcome by emotions like anger, sadness, and the worst of them all, jealousy. It’s an evil, green-eyed monster that makes your life miserable; it eats away at every shred of happiness you have until you’re a bundle of nerves and an emotional mess; and it makes you do things you would never do when you’re in your right senses. We only have to look at the female astronaut who put on a diaper and drove all through the night to attack a rival for her beau’s affections to see the truth of this statement.

A close friend and I were discussing a couple whose relationship had hit the doldrums. He wanted in, she wanted out; and the more she wanted out, the more he wanted in. My friend was of the opinion that that’s the way human beings are – when we know that we cannot have something, we somehow seem to want it even more. So when someone close to us withdraws and retreats into a shell, we seem to crave their company and affection in the worst possible way. It’s worse when there’s a third person involved, when you know that someone else is getting what you think you deserve. Jealousy comes rushing in and takes over your life, making you incapable of rational thought or reasoning.

While I’m no psychologist, here’s what I know about the psychology of human relationships – the best way to attract someone’s attention is to pretend to be totally unaware of them. This works really well when they know you’re interested in them and when they’ve rebuffed your advances at least once. The moment you stop hanging around them or trying to get them to show an interest in you, they’re going to wonder why you changed your mind, why you’re not as into them as you seemed to be before. And this hits their ego, the one that you helped inflate with your undivided attention.

If they’re the mature kind, they realize this hurt ego for what it is and let things go; after all, they’re really not interested in a romantic relationship with you. If not, they’re definitely going to hang around you more, check if you’re looking at them from afar, tease you a little with a text message or a mildly flirtatious email, or invite you out for a cup of coffee. But before you jump for joy at this new attention, let me warn you that this interest, the one that’s riding solely on a hurt ego, will disappear the moment you begin to reciprocate, unless your beau is really into you by this time.

Yes, as Shakespeare rightly said; it’s a tangled web we weave, when we first practice to deceive. The psychology of relationships is complicated, more so when we have to play games to win over the people we really want.


This article is contributed by Sarah Scrafford, who regularly writes on the topic of online radiography schools. She invites your questions, comments and freelancing job inquiries at her email address: sarah.scrafford25@gmail.com.